


Deafening Silence

by CanadianGirl1994



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Character Bashing, Drama, Fandom, M/M, Mild Language, Minor Character Death, Mpreg, Multi, Slash, mild violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-09-03
Updated: 2012-10-15
Packaged: 2017-11-13 11:52:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 6
Words: 18,493
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/503254
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CanadianGirl1994/pseuds/CanadianGirl1994
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When the final battle ended, Harry Potter disappeared. He has returned after five years but he is not the same. He harbours secrets. Some are determined to know what happened in 1998 and know it's time to end the silence.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own anything except the plot and any characters that you do not see in the original Harry Potter series.
> 
> Warnings: This is a slash story. It is Harry/Severus, so a Snarry. If you don't like this, don't read. No one's making you so there is no need to read just to leave a review telling me all kinds of horrible things. So, if you're not into this, just don't read it. Also, there will be adult themes, such as sex and some violence and there is rape in this Prologue. It's not very detailed, but it's rape nonetheless. You don't have to read the Prologue if you don't want to as what happens in the Prologue is a memory and will be explained and talked about later in the story. There is also MPREG. I know not all of you like MPREG but I wanted to try write it since it won't be in Spur of the Moment. However, the MPREG isn't really put into detail. It's almost a mention in passing. It's explained more later on so you can look out for it. I'll be putting warnings at the beginning of each chapter to warn against violence or sex or anything else. :]

Prologue

June 1998

" _Tell me how to save him," Harry said, staring at the group of Death Eaters._

" _How do you know we know, boy?" one of them said._

" _I know you know. Tell me how," Harry said angrily._

" _What will you give in return?" another of the Death Eaters said._

_Harry took a deep breath. "Anything."_

" _You sure about that, boy?" the first Death Eater said._

" _Yes."_

" _Even if we say what we want is you?"_

" _Yes," Harry said through clenched teeth._

" _What d'you say, boys?" the Death Eater said to the other four. "Reckon we could use a celebration for surviving so far?"_

_The other Death Eaters all yelled in assent and the first turned back to Harry._

" _Looks like we got a deal," he said._

" _Looks like we do," Harry said in a monotonous voice. "Tell me how to save him."_

" _He's got time," the Death Eater said. "Reckon you can fulfill your side of the deal now."_

_Harry's teeth clenched again. "How long does he have?"_

" _Three days before there is any permanent damage."_

" _Fine," Harry said and cheers went through the group again._

" _Oh, how you will scream, Potter," the Death Eater said as he slowly circled Harry who stayed completely still. "You'll try, anyways, as we will silence you. We wouldn't want you going to the Ministry."_

" _I hadn't planned on it at all actually," Harry said. "I just want to save him."_

" _Why is that?"_

" _He's my friend, my mentor, my teacher. He's helped me through everything this past year."_

" _Seems more than friendship, at least on your end, boy," the Death Eater laughed loudly._

" _He's just my friend."_

" _Very well," the Death Eater conceded and grinned a feral grin as he trailed a fingertip down Harry's cheek. "Let's have some fun."_

_The Death Eater snapped his fingers and chains slithered down from the ceiling. They wrapped around Harry's wrists, bringing them together and over Harry's head. The Death Eater grinned again._

" _Proud of yourself?" Harry said sarcastically and was promptly slapped across the face. The Death Eater snapped his fingers again and a large vial appeared._

" _Luckily for you, no words are needed to save him so it is perfectly all right for you to remain silent forever."_

" _Lucky me," Harry said._

" _What a reprieve that will be."_

_Harry simply glared at the man._

" _Let the fun begin."_

_With that the Death Eater reached out and slowly opened Harry's bloody and ripped shirt the rest of the way before roughly tearing it from his shoulders. Harry groaned slightly at the force._

" _Got some pretty nasty injuries there, don't yeh?"_

" _Can you just get on with it?"_

" _My pleasure," he said and motioned for another Death Eater to join. "I'll keep him quiet."_

_The other Death Eater grinned and used his wand to strip Harry of the rest of his clothes. Harry closed his eyes tightly, feeling them water slightly. He shivered, jerked, and hissed when the second Death Eater trailed a finger down one of his arse cheeks._

_He didn't stop, however. It appeared to encourage him further as the finger slid between his cheeks, travelling up and down. A whimper escaped him. He was desperate to hold off on screaming as long as possible. He jerked sharply when the finger painfully slammed into his opening. He groaned._

" _You will be delicious, boy," the Death Eater said. Harry kept his eyes clenched shut, even as a finger trailed over his limp cock, tracing the slit. He grasped the chains tightly as the finger continued tracing his slit, occasionally dipping in._

" _Hurry up, would yeh," the first Death Eater said._

" _Fine." The second Death Eater took hold of Harry's hips and moved him slightly so his arse was being held a bit higher. A tear escaped when Harry felt a hard tip at his entrance and he screamed when the Death Eater brutally entered him. Even with the Death Eater holding his hips, Harry raised up on his toes in pain._

" _Time for that silence now, isn't it?" the first Death Eater said._

" _Severus!" Harry screamed desperately as the other Death Eater cruelly continued to pull out and slam back in._

 _The first Death Eater leaned in and pressed his lips to the side of Harry's neck. "_ Silentium _." He moved his lips to the middle of Harry's neck and whispered the same thing. He repeated it on the other side of Harry's neck. He then moved to his lips, whispering, "_ Nunquam infractus _."_

_Harry sobbed and the sound continued getting quieter as an 'S' appeared on each spot Harry's neck had been kissed and a glowing blue line connected them. The two side ones then had the line extending up to Harry's lips where they glowed a bright blue with the word 'silence' before disappearing._

" _Drink this," the Death Eater said and pried Harry's mouth open, pouring the entire purple potion down his throat._

_Tears streaked Harry's face and he sobbed but was unheard even as he screamed again once the Death Eater reached completion. It continued until all five Death Eaters had taken Harry._

" _Give him this potion and put some of your blood in the wounds. Put some of your tears in the potion and give it to him after the blood," the first Death Eater said once Harry was released and had dressed. "He will be fine in a week or eleven days at the most."_

_Harry took the yellow potion, shaking slightly._

" _Good doing business with you, Potter," the Death Eater said and they all laughed as Harry left, walking gingerly and tears rolling down his cheeks._


	2. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: For those of you who really like Ron, Hermione, Lee Jordan, Andromeda Tonks (later on) and most of the Gryffindors, keep a look out because there is major bashing in this story of them. They are not the good people in this story. Mentions of injuries gained in the final battle and all the deaths.

Five Years Later

Harry Potter looked at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry and sighed silently. Five years had passed since he had walked away from the one place that had been 'home'. Shaking his head against the memories that tried to overtake him, he picked up his carrier and continued up to the school.

After that day when he had received the way to heal Severus Snape's wounds, he had left. He knew it was horrible, especially as he hadn't said goodbye to anyone, but he hadn't felt he could stay any longer. Many had turned against him for various reasons, two of them being his former best friends, Ron Weasley and Hermione Granger, now married.

He had told them what he had done and they were both horrified and disgusted. They had no idea why he had allowed it just to save _Snape_ , the man they had all hated for seven years and who had hated them in return. They had walked away from him in disgust and he hadn't spoken to them since.

Others turned against him because it was found out he was gay. Many believed his job was done and so no longer cared. Many believed he was to blame for all who had died. Once he left England, even more turned on him for fleeing and hiding.

He had spent a year travelling and doing things under a second name: Evan Ted Prince. He used 'Evan' after his mother, 'Ted' after his godson, and 'Prince' after Severus. He funded promising organizations and even transformed both Potter Manor and Potter Castle into orphanages for children from all over that had been affected by the war, whether they were the children of Death Eaters or had lost their parents to Death Eaters. He called one 'Lily Orphanage' and the other 'Eileen's Children'. They were a huge success and he had seen many children adopted over the years, even the children of Death Eaters.

He had hardly spoken to anyone while he was gone. He only talked to Fred and George Weasley, Bill Weasley (the only Weasleys who didn't blame him for Charlie losing an eye and the ability to use his left arm), Luna Lovegood, Dean Thomas, and Kingsley Shacklebolt, the new Minister for Magic. None of them knew where he had been or that he was the one behind the donations and orphanages.

Many had died or had been seriously injured in the final battle. Charlie Weasley had been attacked by Inferi and they had managed to damage his right eye beyond repair and then he was hit with an unknown curse that destroyed his ability to use his left arm. Ron Weasley had a permanent limp. Dean Thomas had a large scar on his abdomen where he had been stabbed with a dagger. Seamus Finnegan had died after fighting for his life for five hours. Neville Longbottom had a permanent twitch in a couple of his fingers on his left hand from prolonged exposure to the Cruciatus Curse, courtesy of Bellatrix Lestrange before she had been killed. Luna Lovegood had a scar that went down the right side of her face, from her temple to her chin. Draco Malfoy had a scar across his left eye and some nerve damage in the right side of his body.

Albus Dumbledore, Remus Lupin, Nymphadora Tonks, Ted Tonks, Emmeline Vance, Hestia Jones, Mundungus Fletcher, Horace Slughorn, Seamus Finnegan, Cho Chang, Parvati and Padma Patil, Lavender Brown, Angelina Johnson, Professor Pomona Sprout, Professor Septima Vector, Susan Bones, Colin Creevey, Ernie Macmillian, Professor Rolanda Hooch, Zacharias Smith, Professor Charity Burbage, Michael Corner, and Terry Boot had all died during the battle along with many Death Eaters and Voldemort himself.

Bellatrix Lestrange, Peter Pettigrew, Antonin Dolohov, Crabbe Jr. and Sr., Lucius Malfoy, Walden McNair, Alecto Carrow, Rabastan Lestrange, Thorfinn Rowle, and Theodore Nott Sr. had all died as well, preceding their master.

Being forced to shoulder the blame of all the losses and injuries, Harry fled his home and England. He had kept up with what was going on though through those he still talked to.

Ron and Hermione had married a year after the battle and now had a son, Tommy, who was four and a daughter, Elizabeth, who was two. Hermione had stayed home with the children for the past few years and had now been hired at Hogwarts. Ron had gone with his dream to become an Auror.

Bill and Fleur Delacour-Weasley were still married and had a daughter, Victoire, who was four, a son, Daniel, who was two, and a newborn baby girl named Claire. They both worked at Gringotts, Bill as a curse breaker and Fleur as a human manager.

Neville had married Hannah Abbott and they had a son named Frank who was two. Neville took over for Professor Sprout as the Herbology professor and Head of Hufflepuff. Hannah worked at the Leaky Cauldron.

Harry's godson, Teddy, was staying with Andromeda Tonks, his grandmother who had sworn that she was never going to let Harry near her grandson. He knew Teddy to be five and a half years old now and he had never once met his godson.

Ginny Weasley was single but had two children, both from different men. Her oldest was a son, Simon, who was three and her other son, Matt, was two. She worked part time as a waitress at a restaurant in Diagon Alley.

Now, after five years, he was back to take over for Poppy Pomfrey as Hogwarts' medi-wizard. She had been injured in the final battle. A curse caused her to slowly lose control of her limbs and destroyed her nerves. Severus had been able to keep it at bay but she was no longer able to work.

Minerva McGonagall, the headmistress, had then called him after begging Kingsley to send him a letter with the offer. After a month of deliberation, he had agreed to come back and be the medi-wizard for Hogwarts.

Harry blinked when he realized he was standing at the gargoyle.

"Welcome back, Mr. Potter," the gargoyle said, moving aside. Harry simply inclined his head and walked up the stairs. He breathed deeply at the top and knocked on the wooden door.

"Come in," the voice of Minerva McGonagall called and Harry pushed the door open, walking into the office. "Oh, Harry! It's wonderful to see you after all these years!" she exclaimed and rushed around her desk to hug him. She had been one of the few that never turned against him.

He smiled at her and sat down when she offered. He placed his carrier at his feet.

"So, Harry," Minerva began. "If you don't mind my asking, how do you…?" she trailed off and pointed at her throat.

Harry smiled again and pulled a small green and gold box out of his pocket. It appeared to have small holes all over it. He tapped it with his wand and placed it on the edge of her desk.

"Talk?" Harry's voice came from the box and Minerva gazed at it in wonder. "You're allowed to say it. I promise I won't be offended," he laughed lightly, the sound coming from the box.

"Where did you get something like this?" Minerva said, reaching out a hand. She paused and looked at him. "May I?"

Harry nodded and she gently picked up the box. "I got it in a village in East Africa. It was the only place I've ever found anything like this."

"This is fascinating," Minerva said and Harry smiled again. "Anyways," she placed the voice box down again, "you know all you need to. You just have to choose your quarters."

"Do I have choices?" Harry asked.

"Yes. There are rooms just down the hall from the infirmary. There are some by the Hufflepuff common room. There are rooms by the Astronomy Tower. There are rooms by the Slytherin common room and some on the first floor. They overlook the Quidditch Pitch, the lake, and the forest. That old oak tree is right in view as well," she told him.

"Those rooms sound promising," Harry said and Minerva smiled.

"I thought you might like them," she said. It was then she heard a soft growl and frowned. "What was that?"

"Oh, that was Lileen," Harry said, reaching down to his carrier.

"Lileen?" Minerva repeated.

"Yes," Harry nodded, opening the door on the carrier. "She's my familiar."

A black and white animal jumped up onto Harry's lap then. The creature was a bit bigger than the average house cat, had bright blue eyes, and two bushy tails.

"And what is she?" Minerva asked, staring at the creature curled up on Harry's lap.

"It's a really strange combination. She is part panther, part snow leopard, and part Kneazle, of all things. It's the Kneazle in her that affects her size. She will not grow any larger than she is now," Harry said, running a hand down the cat's back. The cat was all black with splashes of white in places. One of her ears was white and so was her neck. There was a splash of white on her back that looked like someone had poured paint on her. The tip of one of her tails was white while the other had a line going straight down the middle of it.

"And her name?" Minerva said.

"I wanted to honour my mother and Se—Professor Snape's mother so I combined their names and got Lileen," Harry said, smiling down at his familiar.

"When did you get her?"

"A year after I left. I was in a small village in Northern Finland. It was like Diagon Alley, except a village, not a marketplace. There was this small pet shop and I just walked in. I hadn't planned on getting anything even though I knew I should get a new familiar since Hedwig had died. There weren't many animals. There were a few Kneazles, regular cats, owls, and a couple snakes. I wandered to the back and saw Lileen in a box in a corner. She was all alone and out of sight. When I saw her, I knew I had to have her. The shopkeeper was glad to be rid of her. Apparently she was vicious towards every customer to ever come near her. He said he had had her since she was a kit. Someone had left her on his doorstep and her eyes were barely open. He took care of her until she was old enough to be put up for sale. He'd had her for about five years," Harry explained.

"She's a very beautiful creature," Minerva said and Lileen let out a mewl of what she assumed was appreciation.

Harry chuckled. "She's quite a vain creature as well."

Minerva laughed. "She has every right to be. Now, I can't help but make a connection to her name."

"A connection?"

"Yes. It seems that over the past few years, many things have been coming into existence that bears the names of either Lily or Eileen. Is that simply a coincidence?"

Harry sighed. "No, it's not. I've been using a second name in order to give donations and fund programs and organizations. I also used that name to open Lily Orphanage and Eileen's Children."

"Those two orphanages?" Harry nodded. "Harry, they are the most successful orphanages in the world. They have the highest adoption rates in the world."

"I know. Lily Orphanage was Potter Manor and Eileen's Children was Potter Castle. I had to do something to help. I didn't want any children to possibly go through the same life I did, or the same life Professor Snape did. There are so many children that were affected by the war, all in different ways. Even now, five years after the war, we're still always getting more children. I had to help somehow so I opened Lily Orphanage and when it was clear it was going well, I opened Eileen's Children," Harry said.

"What is this second name if I can be privy to such information," Minerva said and Harry smiled.

"Evan Ted Prince," Harry said.

"You wrote _Seven Years of War_!" Minerva exclaimed.

Harry chuckled. "Yes, I did. I'm surprised no one connected that book to me, to be honest. It has everything I did in it from the troll in first year to going to that cave with Professor Dumbledore in sixth year."

"I think we've all know but we weren't sure since you have been seen or heard from in five years," Minerva said. "That book has been one of the most popular books in years."

"I know."

"Evan Ted Prince," Minerva said. "Have you written anything else?"

"A Defence book. _True Defence_ ," Harry nodded.

"Of course! It's the book we use here in our curriculum," Minerva said and Harry's eyes widened in surprise.

"Really?"

"It's a fantastic book, Harry."

"I honestly didn't think it'd be used here. I wrote it for anyone who wanted to know real defence, not the crap I was taught in my years here. No offence," Harry said and Minerva laughed.

"I fully agree with you, Harry. Albus' choices were truly horrible," she said. "Now, I suppose you wish to settle in, correct?"

"I'd like to, yes," Harry said.

"Come. I will show you to your rooms," Minerva said, rounding her table and opening the door.

Harry was about to leave when a voice stopped him.

"Harry."

Harry turned and looked up at the portrait that had previously been empty.

"Welcome home," Albus Dumbledore said and Harry smiled.

"Thank you, Professor. I've missed it," he said and followed Minerva from the office, Lileen trotting beside him and his voice box floating behind him. "Is there anyone else in the castle right now?" he asked.

"Filius, Poppy, and Severus. There are still three weeks before school begins so the others will not be arriving until the week before," the headmistress told him.

"Do any other past students work here?" Harry asked though he knew of some of them already.

Minerva looked at him with a sad smile. "I'm afraid so. Neville Longbottom is our Herbology professor and Head of Hufflepuff. Hermione Weasley is our Arithmancy professor and the Head of Gryffindor. Lee Jordan is our Flying Instructor. Anthony Goldstein is our Muggle Studies professor. Justin Finch-Fletchley is our Transfiguration professor."

"And Defence?"

"He is not a former student. His name is Jeremy Finn. He will begin his first year this year," she said.

"So the position is still cursed?"

"No, we had a professor stay for three years but she left when she married and moved away."

"I see."

"Professor Finn seems nice enough. There should hopefully be no problems."

"I guess we'll find out."

Minerva smiled at him. "I am sure you'll be fine, Harry."

Harry smiled but didn't say anything.

"Well, here we are," Minerva announced as they stopped outside a portrait of a young boy. He appeared to be about eleven and had dark brown hair with blue eyes. There was a little white kitten lying on the ground beside him.

"Hello," the little boy said.

"Hello," Harry's voice box said and the boy gave him a curious look. "I can no longer speak so I use this voice box to speak for me," he answered the unspoken question.

"Oh," the boy said. "I'm Connor and this is my kitty, Sally."

"Nice to meet you, Connor, and you, Sally," Harry smiled at the two. "Is there a password already set?"

"No, you make one," Connor told him.

"All right. How about…" Harry trailed off, thinking. " _Libertas_. It means 'freedom' in Latin."

"I like it," Connor smiled.

"Latin?" Minerva said and Harry looked at her. "You have certainly made yourself knowledgeable while you've been gone, haven't you?"

"I discovered that many things your professors tell you will be important and helpful in your life actually _are_ important and helpful in life," Harry said with a smirk.

Minerva laughed. "Go make yourself comfortable, Harry. I will see you at dinner."

"See you then, Professor."

"Call me Minerva, dear," Minerva said and Harry inclined his head. She began walking away before she turned around again. "And, Harry?"

Harry looked at her. "To echo Albus, welcome home."

Harry gave a small smile. "Thank you…Minerva."

He entered his quarters and looked around. He was standing in the decently sized sitting room which was covered in a fuzzy green carpet. There was a large stone fireplace with a chaise lounge, a sofa, and a loveseat circling it. He placed Lileen's carrier next to the door and walked across the room towards an open wooden door. He peeked in and found a queen sized bed with a comforter that was different shades of green and black and white pillows. The floor had a grey carpet.

A door to the left led to the bathroom. Returning to the sitting room, he made his way to another door which, upon pushing open, revealed a library combined with a study. He smiled and looked over at Lileen who had taken up residence on the chaise lounge.

"Think we can survive here?" Harry said and Lileen meowed. "I think so too."

 _Now if only surviving the people was as easy_ , he thought with a silent sigh.


	3. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Ron, Hermione, Lee Jordan, etc. bashing. Mentionings of rape. A tiny bit of violence.

Three Weeks Later

"Welcome, students, to another year at Hogwarts!" Minerva greeted once the Sorting had finished. Harry was sitting beside the empty seat that was beside Severus Snape. He had wanted to sit right beside the man but he had a feeling the Potions master had less than pleasant feelings towards him now. On Harry's left was Professor Jeremy Finn. Beside him was Professor Justin Finch-Fletchley. Beside him was Professor Flitwick and then it was the headmistress' seat. To Minerva's left was Professor Neville Longbottom. To his left was Professor Hermione Weasley. Beside her was Professor Lee Jordan and beside him was Professor Anthony Goldstein. Harry was aware that he was sitting in Rubeus Hagrid's seat, but the large half-giant was down at his hut doing Merlin only knew what.

Harry's voice box was sitting on the table beside his plate and Lileen was lying next to his feet. The unusual cat was always with him, especially when they were anywhere new. Well, new to her. She was fiercely protective of Harry and stayed near him in a new place until she determined it was safe enough to leave him alone.

"As I am sure you have noticed, there have been some changes to the staff this year," Minerva continued. "Professor Jeremy Finn will be our new Defence Against the Dark Arts professor as Professor Madlin has left England with her new husband. Professor Hermione Weasley will be teaching Arithmancy and Professor Anthony Goldstein will be teaching Muggle Studies. Last, we have had a change in our hospital wing. Madam Pomfrey is no longer able to work as the curse has begun to affect her far too much. As such, our new medi-wizard for the foreseeable future will be Mr. Harry Potter."

There was no applause, not like there was when the others had been introduced. All the students stared up at him, all with different expressions. The other professors, especially those he had gone to school with as fellow students, glared at him and he felt the heat of their stares. He ducked his head, feeling his entire body tense and his eyes burn. He thought he had gotten over the hatred that England had shown him five years ago.

Lileen, obviously sensing his discomfort as she always did, got to her feet and rubbed against his legs. He smiled slightly and reached down to pet her, making her purr as he did so. He was feeling himself calm as he pet his familiar but jumped violently regardless when he felt a hand rest lightly on his right arm. He looked up and found himself staring into the dark eyes of Severus Snape.

"Are you all right?" he whispered. Harry stared at him and he had a feeling his confusion was showing. "You look confused."

Harry said nothing, his voice box remaining silent.

"Can we talk later? After dinner?" Severus asked.

Harry swallowed and had many reasons run through his head of why he should say no, but found himself nodding in agreement instead. Severus' lips twitched and Harry knew it was as much of a smile as he would get in a place this public.

Dinner was quiet for Harry. Conversations went on around him among the rest of the staff but he didn't join in. Finn tried to draw him into multiple conversations but Harry never said anything. He didn't think any of the staff besides Minerva and his once friends and classmates knew he couldn't speak and had to use the voice box instead. Putting some of his chicken on what would be his dessert plate Harry placed the plate on the floor for Lileen. He saw Severus watching him out the corner of his eye but did not address it. He was still very confused about the man's behaviour.

Harry was blissfully happy when Minerva called an end to the feast and sent the students to bed. He got to his feet himself and began walking out with Lileen at his side and the voice box floating along beside him. He had just exited the Great Hall when he was called.

"Potter!"

He turned to see Neville, Hermione, Lee, and Anthony walking towards him, all looking livid. Lileen stood in front of Harry and tensed, arching her back and flattening her ears.

"Finally found yourself to be good enough to return, did you?" Lee said and Harry frowned but didn't speak.

"Why Minerva hired you, I'll never know, not after what you did," Hermione said, looking at Harry in disgust.

"You better watch yourself, Potter. We don't let cowards and traitors roam free," Anthony said and the four of them walked away.

Harry watched them go, torn between sadness and anger. He remembered when all four of them used to be his friends and would have done anything for him, just as he would have for them. He didn't think he'd ever get used to the looks they gave him now.

"Harry?" another familiar voice said and Harry turned again, this time to face Severus. "All right there?"

Harry nodded.

"Can we talk now?"

Harry nodded again.

"Your rooms?"

Harry nodded a third time and headed towards his quarters, Severus following him. They stopped before the portrait of Connor. Harry, not wanting to speak, simply gave the boy a look. Connor nodded and swung open. When they were inside, Harry motioned for Severus to sit and then sent a questioning glance towards the kitchen.

"No, I'm fine, thank you," Severus shook his head. Harry nodded and sat on the opposite side of the sofa as Severus. He pet Lileen as she jumped into his lap. For a while, Harry and Severus stared at each other until Harry blinked and looked down at Lileen. "And who is this?" Severus asked and Harry looked at him.

The voice box answered. "She's my familiar. Her name's Lileen. I got her about four years ago in Finland."

Severus looked at the voice box in shock. "You—you use—"

"It's a voice box. I got it in Africa," Harry said.

"You—"

"I can't speak. I lost my voice," Harry said with a shrug.

"What happened?" Severus asked but Harry didn't answer.

"What did you want to talk about?" Harry asked, changing the subject.

"About what happened after the final battle, where you disappeared to, why you left," Severus said and Harry sighed, the sound coming through the box.

"Over three quarters of the world is against me, all for different reasons. You saw the students and the staff when Minerva introduced me. No one wanted anything to do with me anymore so I granted them their wish; I left," Harry said with another shrug.

"Where did you go?"

"Everywhere. I travelled for about a year, a year and a half. I went everywhere, saw everything. I eventually settled more permanently in a cottage I inherited from my parents in Iceland. It was on top of a cliff and it overlooked a really amazing view. It was all green, high mountains and an endless river. It was beautiful. It looked like something taken out of _Lord of the Rings_ or something. It was peaceful. I loved it," Harry told him.

"What did you do while you were gone?" Severus asked.

Harry gave a smile. "Everything. I went to see all these things I had only ever heard about. I went to Muggle and magical areas. I got Lileen. I gained knowledge about things I never cared about before. I gave some donations to organizations and programs. I wrote a couple books. I opened a couple orphanages," he paused. "I lived how I wanted to without anyone telling me what to do."

"Books? Orphanages? I've never heard of any of this," Severus said with a slightly frown.

"I used a different name," Harry said simply. Severus raised an eyebrow. "Evan Prince."

"Evan Prince?" Severus repeated. "You're Evan Prince?"

"I am," Harry nodded.

"You wrote two of the bestselling books in two decades! You have the two most successful orphanages in the world! You're the reason the Auror department at the Ministry still exists! You're the reason werewolves have better places to be!" Severus said loudly but excitedly.

"I'm aware," Harry said, smiling as he remembered why he had fallen for the man he had saved.

"You're the reason I have a book on the market with all of my potions in it," Severus said in a calmer and quieter voice.

Harry's smile softened. "I know. You deserved it."

"Why did you leave, Harry, and without saying anything?" Severus said in a pained voice and Harry looked down. "I woke up a week and a half after the battle only to learn that no one had seen you since the battle or heard from you."

"I know and I'm sorry," Harry said quietly. "I should've told you but, like I said, no one wanted me around so I left as soon as I could."

Severus took notice of the way Harry brought his hand up and rubbed his neck all the way around, lingering on the sides and the very middle.

"Harry, I wanted you around," Severus said. "Did we really not come as far as I thought we did that year? I distinctly remember you being one of my closest friends, my only friend, really."

Harry bit his lip to keep from crying. "I know and I feel the same, Severus. You were my best friend. You helped me through everything. You're the reason I was able to defeat Voldemort in the first place. I just—I felt as though I had to leave as soon as possible. You were unconscious and everyone thought you were going to die, so I figured I had no one. I left so I could move on and live my own life."

"Harry, how long have you been like this?" Severus asked, gesturing to the voice box.

"Five and a half years," Harry told him.

"What happened?"

"I'd rather not talk about it."

"Why not?"

"I just don't. I've learned to live with it, it doesn't matter anymore."

"Doesn't matter? Harry, this is your voice you're talking about. Have you tried to get it back?" Severus asked.

"I did research and I went to a trusted Healer in Spain. It can't be undone," Harry said, shrugging once again and gazing down at Lileen who was sleeping contentedly on his lap, her two tails flicking around lazily.

"Harry—"

"Look, it doesn't matter. I've learned to live with it and I manage perfectly fine. It can't be fixed so just forget about it," Harry said, lightly stroking Lileen's head.

He heard Severus sigh and knew he was hurting the man but he didn't want to risk the reaction the man would have if he told Severus what happened. He still couldn't get over Ron and Hermione's reactions.

"So, Lileen, is it?" Severus said and Harry nodded. "How did you decide on that name?"

"Like the orphanages, I wanted to honour my mother and your mother. I decided to combine the names for her and got Lileen," Harry said and Severus felt his heart beat painfully against his chest. Here was the young man he had realized he had fallen for over the past five years.

"What are the names of your orphanages again?" Severus asked.

"Potter Manor was turned into Lily Orphanage and Potter Castle was turned into Eileen's Children. Obviously Eileen's Children is larger than Lily Orphanage but they both are pretty full and children are always being brought in and others adopted. Most of the children of Death Eaters have been adopted in the last five years. It's amazing what happens when a war ends," Harry explained.

"And your books? Your Defence book has been considered so helpful that it is used in the curriculum here," Severus said.

"I heard," Harry smiled with a nod. "I don't know. With _True Defence_ , I just wanted there to be one book out there that actually taught people something. With _Seven Years of War_ , it started with me just writing about everything that happened to me to get it out and to deal with it. Eventually it turned into a book that I thought might be kind of inspirational or at least entertaining."

"Well, you've definitely achieved your goals in those aspects," Severus said.

"Thanks," Harry said, still staring down at his sleeping familiar. "I'm sorry to kick you out, but it's getting late and I need to be up early to get to the infirmary."

"Of course but at least you don't have to teach," Severus said, rolling his eyes.

"True, but that is your own fault," Harry said with a smirk that Severus was pleased to see. It was a bit of his old friend that he had sorely missed.

"Touché," Severus said and walked to the door, Harry behind him after shifting Lileen to the sofa. Before opening the door, Severus turned around to face Harry again. He hesitated. "I'm glad you're back, Harry. I've…missed you."

Harry smiled at the quietly spoken confession. "I've missed you too," the voice box said. "Good night, Sev'rus."

Severus inclined his head and stepped through the door. "Good night, Harry."

* * *

Severus sighed as he sat in his lounge chair, staring into the fire and a glass of wine in his hand. He had been more than ecstatic to see Harry again even if he was still slightly hurt at the fact that his friend had simply disappeared after the battle without saying anything. Talking with Harry, he understood why he had left. He also saw how those who had once been his friends treated him now. What had happened?

However, it was Harry's voice, or lack thereof, that held Severus' thoughts.

What had happened to the young man to make him lose his voice? It had happened five and a half years ago, so Severus assumed something had happened during the final battle. Regardless of what Harry said, Severus was determined to find a way to give the man his voice back.

* * *

Harry entered the infirmary the next morning with Lileen in his arms and halted abruptly as he gazed around the overly clean and white room. Lileen mewled and bumped his chin with her head, trying to get her master's attention.

_ Flashback _

_Harry walked into the hospital wing and strode straight over to the bed occupied by the unconscious form of Severus Snape. The man had gauze wrapped around the snake bites on his neck and, though he was sure they had recently been changed, the bandages were already dyed red._

_Harry looked down at the overly pale man fondly, glad the infirmary was deserted except for those sleeping patients. Severus was clearly fighting for his life but was losing the battle quickly._

_Sighing silently, Harry pulled out two vials and a knife from his pocket. He pulled the stoppers on both vials and poured the clear liquid of his tears into the yellow potion. It sizzled slightly but otherwise did nothing. He then removed the bandages from Severus' neck, revealing the angry and fatal wounds; meant to be fatal anyways. Harry pressed the knife's blade against his palm. He knew Severus would kill him for doing this but he carried on regardless, slicing his palm open._

_His body jerked with what would have been a hiss and held his bleeding hand over the snake bites. A few drops fell into both openings, mixing with Severus' blood and the venom of Nagini. Quickly healing his hand and rewrapping the bandages, Harry opened Severus' mouth and poured the potion in, stroking the man's throat to help him swallow._

_He put everything back into his pockets and stared down at the Potions master again. Breathing deeply, Harry took the man's hand and leaned down. Pressing his lips to Severus' cheek, he pulled back and mouthed the words, "I love you, Severus. Goodbye."_

_With tears in his eyes, Harry rushed from the infirmary, missing the groan and slight movement that came from Severus._

_ End of Flashback _

"Harry Potter," a familiar voice said, pulling Harry from his memories. He looked up to see Madam Poppy Pomfrey standing in the middle of the hospital wing with a smile. "I never thought I'd see the day you were in here and _not_ injured."

Harry laughed and he saw Poppy's eyes briefly flicker to his voice box. "I don't think anyone was expecting it to ever happen."

Poppy laughed as well. Harry did a quick scan and saw that Poppy's right arm was always in motion.

"How are you, Madam Pomfrey?" Harry asked as he and the nurse sat on one of the beds.

"Poppy, please, Harry, and I'm as well as can be expected. I'm sad to be leaving. I have adored working here even if seeing boneless arms is anything but appealing," Poppy said with a smirk.

"That one was _not_ my fault. That was all Lockhart, the simpleton," Harry defended.

"Yes, Albus' choices did leave something to be desired," Poppy nodded and Harry chuckled. "And how about you, Harry?"

"It's nice to be home even if I'm not welcomed by most of the staff and student population," Harry said.

"And your voice?" Poppy asked.

"It's permanent. I've done research and I've been examined by Healer Jack Catella," Harry told her.

"Jack Catella?" Poppy said, her eyes wide. "The world renowned Spanish Healer?"

"The one and only," Harry smiled. "I gained my Mastery in Healing under him. He was my mentor."

"That's amazing, Harry. Everyone knows Catella. He is the most famous medi-wizard in the world. He also hasn't had an apprentice since he was twenty-two and he's thirty-six now," Poppy fawned and Harry chuckled again.

"Trust me, I know, Poppy," Harry said. "I was just wandering and I accidentally bumped into him…literally. He saw my voice box and things went from there. He's a trusted friend now."

"That's spectacular, Harry. Having Catella as your mentor will get you anywhere," Poppy said and Harry smiled. "At least I know I'm leaving my infirmary in _very_ capable hands."

"Especially if Jack comes to visit like he promised," Harry said with a grin.

"Jack Catella is coming here?" Poppy gasped.

"If he finds time," Harry said, nodding.

"Fantastic," Poppy breathed. "Perhaps we should move on. Who is this beauty?" she said, looking at Lileen in Harry's arms.

"This is Lileen, my familiar," Harry said.

"What is she?"

"Snow leopard, panther, and Kneazle," Harry said. "It's a very strange combination but I love her."

"Very strange, indeed," Poppy said, smiling at Lileen who stared at her with glowing blue eyes. "Well, I suppose it is time for me to go."

Harry's expression turned sad. "Where are you staying? Surely not by yourself."

"No, no. I will be living with my sister and her husband and son. They'll be helping me."

"Good."

"I must be off," Poppy said, standing. Harry put Lileen on the bed as he stood. "It was wonderful to see you, Harry, after so long. Take care, dear."

Harry slowly hugged Poppy, secretly hating human contact. "Goodbye, Poppy," he whispered. Poppy smiled and left the hospital wing.

Harry sighed as he watched her go, sitting heavily on the bed. Lileen mewled and licked his hand. He looked down at her and smiled.

"Come on. Let's make sure everything's ready," he said, getting back to his feet. He walked over to the potions cabinet and began taking inventory, conjuring a quill and notepad. Lileen had jumped to the nearest bed and was sitting on it, watching him. He was in the middle of counting the Dreamless Sleep Potions when he heard someone enter the infirmary. He turned to face the door but only saw a flash of red before he was on the floor in pain.

"You think you can just come back here acting like you own the place?" a deep voice yelled and, holding his bleeding nose, Harry looked up at Ron Weasley, his former best friend.

"I was hired. If I hadn't been hired, I would've stayed in Iceland," Harry said, getting unsteadily to his feet. Over the pounding in his ears, Harry could hear Lileen's hissing and growling.

"Then resign and get out! No one wants you here! And take your mental cat with you before it attacks someone!" Ron yelled.

" _She_ won't attack unless _she_ believes me to be in danger," Harry said. "What are you even doing here?"

"Hermione told me you were here. I thought I'd remind you to get lost before you contaminate someone or molest a student," Ron spat and Harry glared.

"I won't molest students or anyone, Ron. In case you've forgotten, I didn't do the raping. I'm the one who got raped," Harry growled, not seeing the figure outside the doors.

"It's not exactly rape if you agree to it, now is it?" Ron said quietly.

"Get out, Ron."

"Or what, freak?"

" _Get out_!" Harry yelled and his magic flung the redhead out of the hospital wing. He closed his eyes to calm down before looking at Lileen who no longer looked ready to fight. "Sometimes not having a voice is good. I don't have to strain my voice when I yell."

"I'll get you, freak!" he heard Ron say before Ron stalked off.

Harry ran a hand down Lileen's back. "It was still rape," he said quietly, forcing the memories away.

"Harry?" a quiet voice said and Harry spun around with wide eyes.

"Severus," Harry said in shock. "Please tell me you just got here."

Severus looked at him with soft eyes that would have seemed strange had they not grown close in the year before the end of the war. "I'd be lying if I said that."

Harry blinked owlishly before letting out a pained groan.

"What was Weasley talking about, Harry?"

"Nothing. It doesn't matter."

"Harry, it's clearly important."

"No, it's really not."

"What happened to you, Harry?"

"Nothing."

"Harry—"

"Just forget it! It happened, okay? It's done and over with. Just let it go," Harry said, turning away from the Potions master and returning to the potions cabinet.

"I'll let it go for now but I know it's something, especially if it caused this," Severus said, pointing to Harry's still bleeding nose. Harry winced slightly but said nothing. Sighing, Severus pulled out his wand and pointed it at Harry, whispering, " _Episkey_."

Harry groaned as his nose cracked and healed.

" _Scourgify_ ," Severus said and the blood on Harry's face was cleaned away.

"Thanks," Harry muttered. "Here," he said, handing Severus a piece of parchment. "I need some potions. I know it's first day of classes and I don't want to take your time, but the stocks aren't completed. Since it's the first day, I know some students will be in here."

"I can have them done for tomorrow," Severus said, taking the list.

"You don't have to rush. I just thought I'd let you know," Harry said, keeping his eyes anywhere but on the man before him.

"I'll have them for you tomorrow," Severus repeated.

Harry's eyes flickered to his briefly before he looked away again, the voice box saying, "Thank you."

"My pleasure," Severus said. They were silent for a time before Severus speaking again caused Harry to look up. "Hello there, Lileen."

Harry looked at Lileen who had moved to the bed directly beside Severus. She was sniffing his outstretched hand before giving it a tentative lick. Harry watched his familiar curiously. She had never been so friendly towards anyone before beside him. His eyes widened once again when Lileen suddenly bit Severus' index finger hard enough to draw blood before she licked at the wound.

"Wonderful," Harry groaned and rubbed his eyes tiredly glad he had gotten rid of his glasses.

"What's wrong?" Severus looked at him with thinly veiled concern.

"Not wrong, per say, depending on how you look at it, I suppose," Harry said, looking at Lileen instead of the Potions master who he knew was watching him. "She's basically bonded herself to you. Not a bond between a master and familiar, but a protection bond. She's going to protect you the way she protects me. She tasted your blood so that she knows your scent and taste should she ever need it. She did the same with me except I was asleep at the time," he said, throwing a glare at his familiar who looked back at him as innocently as a cat could.

"I apologize," Severus began but Harry interrupted.

"Don't. I'm just surprised. You're the only one she's ever done that to," Harry said with a small shrug.

"In that case, I am honoured," Severus said and Harry smiled. "I will see you at lunch."

"See you at lunch," Harry said.

Severus gave him a smile before walking from the infirmary. Harry let out a breath as he sat on a bed. He scowled at Lileen when she jumped onto the bed beside him. She gave a rumbling purr as she rubbed against his arm.

"Severus, Lileen? Honestly? Out of everyone, you chose him?" Harry said with an irritable sigh. "Now he has even more of a reason to come around. As if he won't in order to find out what Ron was talking about."

Harry sighed again and shook his head. Getting to his feet, he walked to his new office, his thoughts set on Severus and a horrific past.


	4. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Hermione, Ron, etc. bashing (slight). A bit of slash-y (:P) interaction between Harry and Severus.

Thankfully he had a free period first period. He got started on the potions for the hospital wing, bottling all but the Dreamless Sleep as it had to sit for ten and a half hours.

Severus then returned to his research. He hadn't really progressed as he had no idea what he was looking for exactly. He didn't know if a spell had been used or a potion or both or variations of each or either or. As he also had no idea what happened to Harry once he left the Shrieking Shack, he had no background information.

It could be an effect from whatever happened between Harry and Voldemort. Or, perhaps, Voldemort managed one final curse before he was destroyed. Or, maybe, Harry had been kidnapped by Death Eaters and tortured. Maybe those Harry had once called friends had done something. Maybe it just…happened.

There were so many possibilities and he didn't know where to begin.

_Are you sure about that_? A voice said and Severus furrowed his eyebrows. Did he have a starting point he was unaware of?

_Infirmary_ , the voice said vaguely.

The infirmary? What—

Oh.

Weasley.

"Weasley," Severus said and jumped to his feet, beginning to pace. "Was it Weasley who caused Harry's condition?"

_Speak_ , the voice said.

Severus frowned. What did that mean?

_His words_ , the voice clarified.

"What he said. What did Weasley say?" Severus mused.

' _It's not exactly rape if you agree to it, now is it_?'

Severus closed his eyes at the horrid word of 'rape'. What had happened after the final battle that had landed them all where they were now, Harry being voiceless and he being alive?

When Harry had left the Shrieking Shack, he had known he was going to die. He knew there was no way he could survive Nagini's bite. However, he had woken—albeit painfully—over a week later to find himself in the hospital wing. He had no idea who had saved him, or why, or how. Poppy had told him that someone must have discovered a treatment as she, and everyone else, had been positive he wouldn't make it.

So why had he?

Why—how—was he still alive today?

"Weasley," Severus muttered and quickly left his quarters and the dungeons. He knew Granger—now Weasley— had a free period as well and he had no doubt that Weasley was staying with her for the time. He quickly headed up to the sixth floor where he knew Granger's classroom, office, and private rooms were. He stopped before a portrait of a beautiful but stern looking woman.

It was Morgan le Fey.

"Can I help you?" she drawled.

"I wish to speak with Professor Weasley. Now," Severus said.

"I believe she is currently busy," she told him.

"I must speak with her now. It is urgent," Severus said, hoping it would work.

"Very well," she sighed and disappeared from her dark frame. A few moments passed before she returned and the door swung open, revealing Professor Hermione Weasley nee Granger.

"May I help you, Professor?" she questioned politely and Severus' eyes narrowed.

"I find myself in need of your knowledge. Might I come in?" Severus said, forcing himself not to simply hex the woman.

Granger glanced over her shoulder before holding the door open wider. "Of course. Come in, Professor."

Severus inclined his head and walked past her into the quarters. He did not examine the rooms, finding his eyes immediately drawn to the man lounging on the loveseat. He instantly began glaring at Ronald Weasley who jumped to his feet.

"What the hell is he doing here, Hermione?" Weasley growled.

"He needs to speak with me, Ron. Calm down," Granger said, placing a hand on her husband's arm. "What is it you needed, Professor?"

"June sixteenth, 1998. What happened?" Severus asked.

Granger and Weasley frowned. "It was the day of the final battle. The day Voldemort was defeated and the war ended," Granger said.

"When Ha—Potter left the Shrieking Shack, what happened?" Severus specified. His eyes narrowed when Weasley gave a bark of laughter.

"You have no idea, do you? You have no idea why you're alive when you should have died," Weasley said.

"Are you able to enlighten me, Weasley?" Severus growled.

"You haven't thought to ask Potter? After all, it's because of him that you're alive, the disgusting freak," Weasley spat and Severus' eyes flared.

"Explain," Severus said through clenched teeth.

"I am not repeating what he told us. It's disgusting to even think about. Just know that it cost the freak his voice to save you," Weasley said, curling his lip.

"To think he ever called you a friend," Severus said, staring at Weasley in disdain.

"I prefer to forget that I was ever friends with the fag," Weasley said.

Severus pulled his wand. "You have insulted him far too many times for my tastes."

"I think it is time for you to leave, Professor," Granger said, opening the door.

"Get him to tell you what happened. You'll realize it's best to get away from him," Weasley said and Severus glared at him before stalking from the rooms.

_What in Merlin's name happened to Harry_? He thought as he went back to the dungeons.

* * *

"Is someone here, Lileen?" Harry asked, looking up from some files on his desk when Lileen meowed from the doorway. He got to his feet and walked out into the infirmary to see a sixth year Slytherin helping a first year Slytherin onto a bed.

"Mr. Potter," the older Slytherin said, "Mya had an accident in Flying class."

Harry walked over to the girl on the bed and immediately saw that her left arm was broken. "Thank you, Miss Sender, for bringing her," his voice box said and he saw their eyes widen. "You may return to class now."

The Slytherin prefect nodded and left after looking at the voice box again.

"Well, it is clear that you have a broken arm," Harry told the girl. "Fall off the broom?"

Mya Keithers blushed and nodded, muttering, "Yeah."

Harry chuckled. "Don't be embarrassed. It happens every year. I had a friend who ended up in the same position as you except it was a broken wrist instead of an arm," Harry said, opening the potions cabinet. He pulled out the Skele-Gro and poured some into a goblet. "I warn you, it tastes horrible," he said as she took the cup.

Mya threw the potion back, coughing and gagging. "I think that needs to be changed to taste better."

Harry laughed and handed her a glass of water that she took gratefully. Using his wand to summon bandages, he wrapped her arm and put it in a sling. "You'll have to stay here for a couple hours, I'm afraid."

Mya sighed. "Okay."

Harry easily noticed that the girl's eyes kept flickering to his voice box no matter how hard she tried to resist. "You can ask. I promise I won't get angry."

Mya jumped slightly and looked down, blushing. "Sorry, sir."

Harry waved it off. "It's fine. It's my voice box. I can no longer speak so it speaks for me."

"It sounds so normal, not robotic or anything," she said.

"That would be my doing. It was robotic when I got it. One day I was bored and kind of fed up with it, so I began fiddling with it. Eventually I got it to sound almost identical to my actual voice," Harry explained.

"That's so cool," the Slytherin said. "If you don't mind me asking, why are you so nice?"

"Should I be anything but?" Harry frowned slightly.

"Well, it's just that I'm a Slytherin. Lots of people have said that you hate anyone who's not a Gryffindor, especially Slytherins," Mya said shyly.

Harry sighed. He knew this would happen. He hadn't it expected it on the first day though. "They're just rumours. Yes, I was a Gryffindor when I attended school but it means nothing. I do not hate anyone just because of what House they're in. I actually have a very small hate list. I am not going to discriminate based on House. I'll help anyone who comes into my infirmary. I learned that anyone can be evil, not just Slytherins like everyone thinks. A Gryffindor betrayed my parents. Many of my Gryffindor friends hate me now. I'm friends with a Slytherin. I have friends that were in Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff. I don't care what House a person is in," he told her firmly.

Mya smiled. "Yes, sir. I believe you."

"Good. Now you rest for a bit. Your arm will probably begin aching. Let me know when it does and I'll give you a potion for it," Harry said and she nodded.

"Yes, sir."

"I'll leave Lileen with you," Harry said and the large cat jumped onto Mya's bed. Harry smiled at his familiar before returning to his office.

* * *

Harry smiled as he released Mya just in time for lunch. He quickly cleaned up before heading for the Great Hall, Lileen trotting along beside him. Walking into the Hall using the teacher's entrance, Harry sat in the unoccupied seat next to Severus.

"Good afternoon, Harry," Severus said. "How was your morning?"

"It was good. I already had my first patient. Flying accident," Harry told him, filling his plate.

"Ah, yes. Miss Keithers," Severus nodded.

"And how was your morning?" Harry asked him.

"Decent," Severus said. "I used my free period to begin your potions and do some research. My first class was my Ravenclaw/Hufflepuff NEWT class."

"Research? What are you working on?" Harry asked and Severus sighed internally. Leave it to Harry to latch onto that part of the sentence.

"Just a new experiment," Severus said vaguely.

Harry raised an eyebrow. "What kind of experiment?"

_Must I be friends with such a curious person_? "I am attempting to…improve…"

Harry's eyes narrowed as Severus fought for an explanation. "You're researching for me, aren't you?"

Severus sighed. "Yes."

"I told you to leave it alone, Severus," Harry said stiffly.

"Harry, I can't. I want to help you."

"I don't need help because there's nothing to help me with."

"I know you miss your voice."

"No, I don't and even if I did, it doesn't matter because it's not coming back."

"Harry, I know something happened to you."

"Nothing happened to me."

"Yes, something did. How did you lose your voice?"

"It just happened."

Severus sighed at Harry's stubbornness. "I know you're the one who saved me."

Harry's eyes snapped to him. "How do you know that?"

"I spoke with Granger and Weasley," Severus said.

"Of course," Harry muttered and then breathed deeply. "Yes, it was me."

"How?"

"I did research," Harry shrugged.

"Harry, I know you lost your voice because you saved me. What I don't know is how or why it happened," Severus said.

"It doesn't matter. You're alive and I've learned to live with this, just like everything else," Harry shrugged again.

"You ran from everything else," Severus said and Harry instantly tensed.

"I didn't run," Harry said.

"Then why did you leave?"

"I already told you. No one wanted me here and I thought you were going to die so I left."

"I know you didn't think I was going to die because you knew how to save me."

"Just forget about all of it."

"Harry, I heard what you and Weasley said in the infirmary."

"Pretend you didn't."

"I can't."

"Well, try!" Harry said loudly. "Just leave it alone! I'm fine the way I am and it's not important what happened! I don't need help!" He pushed away from the table and walked swiftly from the Great Hall, Lileen following.

Severus pinched the bridge of his nose and took a deep breath. He looked up in confusion as Minerva sat next to him.

"It's best to leave it alone, Severus. As he said, he's learned to live without his voice and quite contently," she said.

"He wants his voice back, Minerva," Severus said.

"I think anyone in his position would wish the same. However, he's made his peace. It's best to let him be," Minerva told him.

"If I can help him, I want to."

"I don't doubt it but this is not something that can be fixed and he knows it."

"I think it can be, Minerva. If I knew what happened, I could possibly figure out how," Severus said.

"You are only pushing him away, dear."

Severus sighed and shook his head. Suddenly he got an idea. "Minerva, who did he stay in contact with while he was gone?" he asked.

The headmistress gave him a searching look but answered anyways. "I believe he spoke to Bill Weasley, Luna Lovegood, Fred and George Weasley, Dean Thomas, and Kingsley Shacklebolt."

"Kingsley?" Severus repeated.

"Yes. They became quite close," Minerva said.

"Thank you, Minerva," Severus said and left the Great Hall. He quickly made his way through the corridors until he stood before Harry's rooms. The little boy looked at him.

"I dunno if Harry wants to talk to you," Connor said, petting Sally who arched her back and purred.

"Go away, Severus!" Harry said from inside.

Connor shrugged. "Told you so."

"Harry, please let me in," Severus said.

"I said go away."

"Please, Harry."

The door opened a crack. "If you're here to talk about my voice, Ron and Hermione, what you heard, the final battle, or what happened to me, go away," Harry said angrily.

"And if I wish to apologize?"

"I'm listening," Harry said after a pause but didn't open the door any further.

"I apologize for pushing the issue. While I know something happened, it is not for me to know unless you choose to let me know. I do not apologize, however, for wishing to help you even if you say you don't need it," Severus said.

Harry stared at him for a long while, clearly trying to decide if he was sincere. Finally Harry sighed and opened the door wider, stepping aside. "I accept your apology. I'm sorry too. I overreacted back there at lunch."

"You had a right to," Severus said as he took the offer and sat on one side of the sofa.

"Maybe but I was a little harsh. You mean well," Harry said, curling up on the opposite end of the sofa.

"I do," Severus inclined his head and Harry gave a small smile. He was about to speak when Lileen jumped onto the back of the sofa and bumped her nose against Severus' cheek.

"She'll be pining for attention from you now for the rest of your life, I hope you know," Harry said with a grin, watching his familiar pester Severus until he gave in and pet her.

"I'm sure I'll find a way to make it through," Severus said, smirking as he ran his fingers through Lileen's black and white fur.

"You'll have to. Merlin only knows what she'll do if she never got to see you again," Harry said, still smiling and Severus was inwardly happy to see the smile again.

"We will hopefully never have to find out," Severus said, looking up at the young Gryffindor and gracing him with a true smile. "Harry, I don't want to anger you, but why won't you tell me what happened?"

Harry sighed. "I don't want you to know," he said quietly.

"Why not?"

"I don't want to lose you."

"I will never willingly leave you."

"Lots of people have said that to me before."

"I will always be one of the few to mean it."

Harry looked up from where he had been staring at the floor and was startled slightly to see that Severus had moved and was now sitting right beside him.

"I haven't known who to trust for years," Harry whispered.

"You can always trust me," Severus told him.

Harry looked into Severus' eyes. "Why do you want to know?"

"I want to help."

"Why?"

"I care for you."

Harry opened his mouth and glanced up. "I should get back to the infirmary. Lunch is nearly over."

Severus inclined his head and got to his feet, walking over to the door with Harry behind him. He hesitated and turned around to face Harry again. The young man had grown over the years he had been gone.

He was taller. Not as tall as he should be given his parentage but taller than he had been the last he had seen. Harry now came up to a bit higher than his nose rather than his shoulders like when he was seventeen. Gone were the hideous glasses Harry had adorned for over three-quarters of his life, allowing the green eyes to glimmer freely without being hidden. The dark hair was as messy as ever but seemed oddly tame at the same time. Perhaps it simply fit better on the older body.

The young Gryffindor was still thin but not overly thin. He had muscle and weight now. His skin had a healthy glow to it and it seemed to have a permanent tan now. He wasn't as brown as people who go down to the Caribbean for vacation become. He was simply not as pale as he used to be.

He looked lively and healthy.

He was absolutely gorgeous in Severus' eyes and possibly completely unattainable.

"I truly care for you, Harry, perhaps more than I should," Severus said in a whisper.

"You shouldn't," Harry said just as quietly, very much aware of their close proximity to each other.

"I'm finding that neither of us have much choice in the matter," Severus said, his voice dropping lower as he and Harry leaned closer and closer to each other.

"You shouldn't get involved," Harry muttered almost inaudibly.

"That's where choice comes back in," Severus said before closing the distance and pressing their lips together. It was neither a rushed kiss nor a passionate one. It was not much more than a chaste kiss but it was enticing to them both all the same. Severus' hands were resting lightly on Harry's waist. One of Harry's hands was on Severus' forearm while the other was on Severus' cheek.

They both pulled back, startled, when the bell signalling the end of lunch rang throughout the school.

"You have class," Harry said quietly.

"I will never hurt you or leave you," Severus said and, after giving Harry another brief kiss, left for his next class.

Harry closed the door behind the man and leaned his back against it. He slid down slowly until he was seated on the floor and he let the tears stream down his cheeks, sobbing silently.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I realize that it might be out of character for Harry to just start crying but, really, think about everything that's already been mentioned about what's happened to him. :P Also, Severus and Harry, mostly Severus, will probably be quite OOC but keep in mind that they were friends during Harry's seventh year and with the war over, Severus would be (in my head :P) a bit better. :P And, last, things will seem like they are moving fast between Harry and Severus, but keep in mind that I do a lot of time skips and some of them are large, like "Four Months Later" and things like that. Also, they had been close during the final year of the war.


	5. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Ron, Hermione, etc. bashing. Mentionings of violence. Very vague mentionings of rape. Some fluffy Snarry interaction.

After giving Harry the potions for the infirmary, Severus did not see the young Gryffindor for three days. The Healer did not appear in the Great Hall for meals nor was he ever in his rooms or the infirmary whenever he looked. However, it seemed Harry was always in the hospital wing whenever he had a patient.

"He is not a professor. He is not required to take his meals in the Hall," Minerva had told him.

Another day passed without sight of Harry and it was now Friday night. Standing before his fireplace, Severus debated over whether or not to contact Kingsley Shacklebolt. He was desperate to have more clues as to what had happened to Harry or to know the truth outright.

Just as he had for the past five years, he found himself always thinking of Harry. Now, however, he was also thinking about their kiss. He hadn't meant to kiss Harry. He didn't want to scare him off, especially if he really _had_ been raped. It had been some kind of uncontrollable impulse and he hadn't been able to stop.

He had known he was attracted to Harry even before the end of the war. The five years they had spent apart had only made the feeling stronger, turning it into something he wasn't sure he could feel any longer.

Shaking his head, Severus grabbed a handful of Floo Powder and tossed it in the fire. "Minster for Magic's office, Kingsley Shacklebolt," he said and waited.

"Yes, Severus, what is it?" Kingsley said, sounding very irritable.

"Are you busy?" Severus asked.

"I was just heading out," Kingsley told him. "Why?"

"Would you like to come over for a drink?"

"Merlin, yes," Kingsley said with a deep sigh and Severus chuckled. "I'll be right there. Have it ready and waiting," he added before ending the call abruptly.

Severus chuckled again as he opened his liquor cabinet and grabbed two bottles, wine for himself and whiskey for Kingsley. He put ice in Kingsley's glass and poured three fingers of the whiskey. He then filled his wineglass halfway and sat on the sofa, awaiting Kingsley's arrival. It wasn't long before his fireplace flared green and Kingsley walked out, going straight for the glass on the coffee table.

"What a role model you make," Severus said, amused as he watched Kingsley collapse into the lounge chair and throw back the whiskey before pouring himself half a glass.

"Shut up. You're one to talk, you overgrown bat," Kingsley said, downing half his drink again. "You're a teacher. You're supposed to be a role model too."

"Ah, but I was also a Death Eater so I'm long out of the running for role model of the year," Severus said, smirking as Kingsley rolled his eyes.

"And people wonder why you're called a git," Kingsley said, refilling his glass for a third time in as many minutes.

Severus snorted. "Regretting your decision to become the Minister?"

"Only every other day," Kingsley said and they both laughed. "So, what do you want? There's obviously a reason you called me over."

"Yes, there is," Severus nodded. "I called to ask you about—"

"Harry," Kingsley finished and Severus looked at him, surprised. "People always want to ask about Harry. He doesn't tell anyone what happened so they go to those he stayed in contact with."

"Should I not bother asking you then?" Severus said.

"You can but I can't guarantee that I'll give you the answers you want. It's not my secret or story to tell," Kingsley said.

"I think I've figured it out mostly from things I've heard," Severus said with a sigh.

"Things you've heard?" Kingsley frowned.

"I overheard Harry and Ron Weasley fighting a few days ago and things were stated quite explicitly," Severus said.

"Let me guess," Kingsley said, sighing himself. "Ron brought up the fact that it's not rape if Harry agreed to it."

"Exactly what he said," Severus nodded.

"Of course," Kingsley said. "Look, I'm not going to tell you what happened or why. Again, it's nothing of mine to tell and I'm not going to break the little trust Harry has in me by telling you even if it is _you_."

"What does that mean?"

Kingsley took a deep breath and placed his glass on the coffee table, leaning forwards. "After it happened and he did what he had meant to, Harry told Ron and Hermione all of it. They were his best friends so, naturally, he thought that they'd support him and help him and be there for him."

"They weren't."

"Not even a little bit. The minute what Harry had told them sunk in, they were completely different people. They showed who they truly are. They turned on him in a heartbeat, saying all these things and Harry was left alone to handle everything. Ron and Hermione told a few others what Harry had told them and even more turned on him. Oddly it didn't spread past the few people. Anyone else who hates Harry hates him for different reasons. So, without anyone to be there for him, Harry left."

"He told me he didn't run."

"In a way he did but in a way he didn't. Look at it this way. Harry had just defeated Voldemort, he had seen many he cared about die, and he had those who survived turn on him. Now, with Voldemort gone, he was free but he was alone. He left to, basically, find himself and to get his life back or to get it back together. He did what he wanted because it's what he wanted to do and what he felt was right. He didn't have a single person telling him what to do and he wasn't being hounded by reporters or admirers or anyone. He was living freely and trying to find a way to live contently. He managed to do it."

"When did he start talking to you and the others?"

"About seven months after he left. He sent out owls to us. You could tell by the way he had written what he did that he was terrified we had turned on him as well. He had been staying updated on what was happening in England and so he saw some articles that involved all of us in some way. Do you remember that one article that Ron and Hermione and Ginny gave two months after the final battle? They said all those things about Harry."

"Yes."

"Then the next day, there was an article from Luna Lovegood and Dean Thomas saying the complete opposite. Harry saw it and he thought that maybe there were still some people who didn't completely hate him so he owled us. We all owled back and we kept talking after that. We never knew where he was or what he was doing but we at least knew he was all right."

"What did you mean before?"

"After he settled in Iceland he finally agreed to meet up with us. We went to Dean's restaurant since he was able to close it so Harry wouldn't be seen or anything. After that first meeting, we would all get together once or twice a month, depending on what we were all doing. In all the time we have gotten together with him, he has never let us touch him or anything. Well, Dean and Luna have managed to put a hand on his but he always tensed and he never relaxed. Sometimes we would talk about you or other things from his past, not often because he doesn't like being reminded of it, but whenever your name came up, he would quite visibly relax."

Severus stared at the man and sat back, taking it all in.

"Something wrong?" Kingsley asked when Severus said nothing for a long while.

Severus debated telling. Finally he decided. "I kissed him."

Kingsley sputtered in surprise. "You—you kissed him?"

Severus nodded. "Four days ago. It was the first day of classes and we had fought at lunch. I went to his rooms and we talked and it just happened."

"I don't care that you kissed him, Severus. In fact, I've been wondering if you'd ever do anything about how you felt," Kingsley said and Severus narrowed his eyes. "I just thought you'd have tried to go after him sometime over the last five years."

"Can you get on with your point?"

Kingsley rolled his eyes. "You kissing him show that I'm right. Severus, he has not let anyone touch him in over five years except a brief touch of the hand and even that made him flinch. Severus, you have his complete trust. Did he respond?"

"He kissed back," Severus said.

"He definitely trusts you completely," Kingsley said matter-of-factly.

"I don't think it matters anymore. I haven't seen him since. I think he's been avoiding me," Severus said, draining his glass. "What happened to him, Kingsley?"

"I'm not going to tell you," Kingsley said and glanced down at his watch. "Look, I have to go. If you want something to go on, get a look at his neck, a _real_ look."

Severus frowned. "Is that supposed to mean something?"

"Think about it," Kingsley said and got to his feet. "I'll see you later, Severus. Good luck." And he Flooed away.

* * *

It was another four days before Severus finally saw Harry. The Healer was sitting at the staff table as though he hadn't been missing for a week when Severus entered. He sat down beside Harry calmly and filled his plate.

"Nice to see you haven't disappeared off the face of the earth again, Mr. Potter," Severus said and he thought he saw Harry's lips twitch.

"I found myself needing some time alone," Harry's voice box said and he sent him a look that Severus knew was meant to be apologetic.

"Haven't been scared off?" Severus said, trying to hide his anxiousness but, by the way Harry looked at him, he didn't think he was successful.

Or, perhaps the Gryffindor just knew him too well.

Harry swallowed his mouthful of salad and regarded the Potions master. "No, I just had to re-establish a few thoughts and feelings."

"That may be," Severus said, "but I think there's another reason as to why you've been missing."

"You think so?"

Severus learned over and said quietly. "You've been avoiding me."

"You sound very sure of yourself, Professor," Harry said, raising an eyebrow slightly.

"I only say what I mean, surely you know that, Mr. Potter," Severus said and Harry gave a small shrug.

"We'll talk after," Harry said somewhat stiffly and Severus nodded. Dinner was silent between the two of them, both lost in their own thoughts. Many times the Defence professor, Professor Finn tried to draw Harry into a one-on-one conversation but was discouraged when Harry said no more than a few words. Severus also saw the looks Finn kept shooting Harry and narrowed his eyes.

Yes, the man was decent at Defence but Severus seriously doubted that he was right for Harry, good enough for him.

 _And you are_? A voice said.

 _I don't know but I know Finn is not the person_ , Severus said.

 _Careful_ , the voice said, clearly amused. _You've got some jealousy showing_.

 _I am_ not _jealous_ , Severus said, affronted.

 _You definitely are and you have a right to be. Harry is gorgeous, beautiful, intelligent, funny, beyond kind, sweet, loyal, endearing_ —

 _Yes, I'm aware. No need to continue_ , Severus said irritably and growled when the voice gave a light laugh.

Finally dinner ended and they headed down to Severus' rooms. He tapped the ordinary wooden door with his wand before pushing it open.

"Still haven't gotten a portrait then?" Harry said with a smile as he walked past Severus into the rooms.

"And never will," Severus said, closing the door behind them. He watched curiously as Harry gazed around the quarters with a small smile.

"I nearly lived down here that year," Harry said, referring to his seventh year when Severus had trained him up until the final battle.

"Nearly," Severus nodded. "If you weren't here, you were in the library or the Room of Requirement."

"I was pretty isolated, wasn't I?" Harry looked at him.

"It was your own doing," Severus said, sitting on the sofa.

"True," Harry nodded, joining him on the sofa.

"Let's leave the past where it is for now," Severus said. "As I said at dinner, you've been avoiding me."

"And as I said, you sound quite sure of yourself," Harry said.

"Because I know I'm right."

"Are you?"

"Completely."

"How do you know?"

"Because you're not giving me a straight answer."

"That means nothing."

"With you it means everything."

"How so?"

"The Gryffindor in you makes you give straight answers."

"Don't forget. I'm a Slytherin as well."

"You've been avoiding me like you're avoiding it now."

"I'm not and I haven't."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

"Truly?"

"Yes."

"Absolutely?"

"Ye—" Harry broke off and sighed, looking down. "No."

"Why?"

"I'm sorry, Severus. I didn't mean to. Well, I did but I didn't at the same time if that makes any sense at all," Harry said.

"Was it because of the kiss?" Severus asked. "I did not mean to frighten you."

"You didn't. I kissed back, remember?" Harry shook his head. "No, I think I frightened myself _by_ kissing back."

"It's understandable to be frightened and wary, especially after what you've been through," Severus said.

"Been investigating again?" Harry raised an eyebrow.

"Not in so many words," Severus said.

Harry sighed. "You really should just let it go."

"I cannot."

"Why?"

Severus slowly moved on the sofa until he was nearly touching Harry. "Because I care for you far too much."

"You shouldn't," Harry said, his voice a whisper.

"I rather think that's my choice, is it not?" Severus said and slowly leaned in, once again pressing his lips to Harry's. Like last time, Harry tensed for the briefest of seconds before responding. However, this time he pulled away.

"We can't," Harry whispered, sounding pained.

"Why not?" Severus asked and Harry looked at him with shining green eyes that captivated him.

"Because I'm not who I used to be," Harry said. "I'm not the person you trained. I'm not the person who went to war. I'm not the person who defeated Voldemort."

"Whoever said that's who I want?" Severus muttered.

Harry tried to blink away tears as he repeated, "We can't."

"I think we can."

"No. I'm not the same," Harry said and gazed into the black eyes. "There's a line from a film. It's from _Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King_. It's: 'How do you pick up the threads of an old life? How do you go on when, in your heart, you've come to understand that sometimes there is no going back?' There's no going back, Severus. I will never be who I was."

"Whether you're the person from five years ago or from right now doesn't matter. It is still _you_ , Harry Potter that I want," Severus said, bringing up a hand to brush away the tears that were beginning to fall from Harry's eyes.

Harry squeezed his eyes shut. "You'll leave."

"I will never leave you," Severus said firmly, gently stroking Harry's cheek.

Harry looked at him through watery eyes. "You will when you know. They did."

"They had no idea what they were giving up," Severus said. "I will not give you up, no matter what you did or what happened to you."

Harry, his eyes closed again, raised a hand and placed it over Severus' on his cheek. "I did it to save you."

"What did you do?"

"I gave up my voice," Harry said, squeezing the man's hand. "It was the only way to save you."

"Why?" Severus breathed.

Harry opened his eyes again and Severus nearly winced at the pain in the depths. "I couldn't lose you," he said and added so low that Severus almost didn't hear him, "I love you."

Harry's hand dropped and as it did, so did the magic concealing his appearance. He had a cut above his eye and his lip was split. There also appeared to be damage to his right cheekbone and a cut on his temple.

Severus' fingertip touched Harry's cheek and lip lightly. "What happened to you?"

"Ron, Lee, and Anthony attacked me a couple days ago," Harry said, his tears slowing down.

"Why didn't you say anything?"

"I thought they had told you everything. They said they were going to. I couldn't face you if you knew," Harry said.

"I know no more than I did a week ago," Severus said, taking out his wand. "I wish I knew but I do not."

"You can't know," Harry shook his head.

"Could you show me your neck? Really show me?" Severus asked and Harry shook his head. Severus gently grasped Harry's chin and turned his head. He lightly tapped the cheek with his wand and heard it crack into place, Harry gasping loudly in pain. He healed the cuts as well before replacing his wand.

"Thank you," Harry said quietly.

Severus inclined his head. "Could I please see your neck?"

Harry looked at him with water-filled and bloodshot eyes. "I can't."

"Why not?"

"I can't lose you, Severus. I can't," Harry said, new tears leaking out.

"You won't, Harry, I promise you. I promise you I will always be here," Severus said, taking one of Harry's hands in his. He met the emerald eyes and said with so much conviction that Harry's heart nearly stopped, "I promise you."

Harry stared at the man, at his best friend, at the man he had fallen in love with. He fought with himself until it hurt but he made a decision. Closing his eyes and taking a deep breath, Harry squeezed Severus' hand and released the rest of his magic. There on both sides and the very center of his throat was an 'S' glowing a bright blue. He waited for a response but opened his eyes slowly when none were forthcoming.

Severus was staring at his throat with barely concealed fury. "What happened to you?"

Harry shook his head vigorously and even more tears fell. "I can't, Severus. I can't, don't make me. I can't, I can't…" he trailed off as he sobbed and shook his head.

Severus gently put his hands on either side of Harry's head and made the Gryffindor look at him. "I am going _nowhere_. I promise you that, I promise you. I am not going to leave your side."

Harry's sobs quietened as he listened to Severus' words. He brought his hands up and curled them around Severus' forearms to ground himself.

"I-I did it for y-you," Harry choked out. "It-it was the o-only way."

"What did you do?"

"Th-they were the o-only ones I c-could get to who-who knew. I-I wanted t-to know how to s-save you," Harry broke off to get his breathing under control. It appeared that the voice box spoke the way Harry truly would have had he had his voice. "The-they asked what I-what I would g-give them. I-I said any-anything an-and they said they wa-wanted m-me. I-I-I a-agre-agreed. A-after they told me what to do and I did. It-it was to save you. I-I ha-had to."

Harry broke down completely and Severus didn't push for more. He just pulled Harry into his arms and held him tightly. Harry grasped Severus' shirt tightly as he sobbed into it. After quite a while, Harry appeared to calm down slightly though Severus didn't loosen his hold nor did Harry try to move.

"Come on, I think you need some sleep. You can stay here tonight," Severus said quietly.

"No, I can—"

"You're staying here," Severus said firmly and swung Harry into his arms bridal style. He carried him to the bedroom and carefully placed Harry on the bed.

"I don't have my sleep pants," Harry said quietly.

"I'll handle it. Just stay here," Severus said and left the bedroom. "Cary," he said and a house elf appeared before him. "Would you please fetch Mr. Potter's sleepwear and his familiar?"

Cary bowed and disappeared. Severus waited the few seconds for her to return with Lileen and a pair of deep blue cotton sleep pants. He followed Lileen who raced into the bedroom and held up the pants.

"Thank you," Harry said, petting Lileen and taking his pajamas.

"Change and we'll go to sleep," Severus said, pulling out his own pajama pants from the wardrobe. He went to change in the bathroom, leaving Harry to change in the bedroom. Harry was just slipping under the covers when Severus exited the bathroom.

"Where—where are you sleeping?" Harry asked.

"Would you prefer me on the sofa?" Severus said.

"No, I was just wondering," Harry said before looking at him shyly. "Would you stay here?"

Severus gave him a small smile. "I said I'd never leave you, didn't I?"

Harry gave a small smile back as Severus joined him in the bed. They both lay on their backs with their heads turned towards each other. Lileen was at the foot of the bed. "I'm sorry for—"

"You have nothing to apologize for," Severus said. "I thank you for telling me, for trusting me."

"Of course I trust you. How could I not?" Harry said.

"You didn't used to," Severus said.

Harry smiled. "I think I always did, unconsciously anyways."

"I'm glad to have been of service," Severus said before shutting off the lights. They were silent as they let their eyes adjust to the dark. When they did, Severus met Harry's eyes. "You're scared."

"I'm waiting for you to leave me," Harry whispered. "I'm sorry."

"You have every right to be scared," Severus told him. "I'll just have to spend my time assuring you that I'm not leaving no matter how long it takes. In fact, I find myself not wanting you to leave my rooms in the morning."

"Why?"

"I find myself in the same place as you," Severus said. At Harry's confused look, he added, "I'm in love with you too."

Harry's eyes widened. "You—you—"

"For years, even before you left," Severus said.

Harry's eyes watered again and he raised a hand, resting it on Severus' cheek. "Do you mean it?"

"As much as I mean it when I say I'm not leaving, so more than anything," Severus said, and placing a finger under Harry's chin, he gently kissed him. When they parted, Severus smiled. "It's time to sleep."

Harry nodded and closed his eyes before sliding closer to Severus who smiled again. The Potions master watched the Healer fall asleep. He kissed Harry's forehead before falling asleep himself.


	6. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Mentionings and talks of rape. Fluffy, Snarry interactions again.

When Severus woke up the next morning, it took him a while to figure out why he was not alone in bed. He hadn't shared his bed with anyone in over twenty-five years. When he remembered the previous night's events, he slowly opened his eyes and looked at the man keeping him company who was still asleep.

Severus was lying on his side with his right arm stretched across the bed and his left wrapped around Harry's waist. Harry was on his back and pressed closely to Severus' side, his head on the Potion master's arm near the shoulder. His head was turned away from Severus. His right arm had stretched up and their fingers had entwined. Harry's left hand was on his chest only a bit higher than where Severus' hand was resting on his stomach.

Severus smiled at the sleeping man and bent his head down a little. He gently nudged Harry's head with his nose and pressed a kiss to the young man's temple affectionately. He rested his forehead on Harry's head, waiting for him to awake.

It was about a half hour later when Harry finally began stirring. Severus watched as Harry slowly woke up, internally wondering how he would react to the situation. Though his eyes weren't open, Harry obviously became aware that he was with someone and he tensed. Severus didn't do anything, waiting for Harry to remember. It took quite a few seconds but eventually Harry relaxed and turned his head to look at Severus.

"All right now?" Severus said and Harry nodded with a smile. "Good morning then."

"Mm, morning," the voice box muttered and Severus chuckled. "Last night happened, didn't it?"

"Yes, it did," Severus nodded and Harry sighed. "You are much calmer now."

"I feel better," Harry said.

"We don't have to right now but would you feel up to continuing the conversation?" Severus asked, hoping he wasn't pushing too hard.

Harry hesitated. "Yeah, I think I'll be okay. It'll still be hard but it won't be like last night."

Severus smiled. "Good."

"Severus?" Harry asked after a few moments of silence and he turned his head to stare at the ceiling.

"Hmm?" Severus murmured and Harry smiled slightly at the sound.

"What you said last night, before we went to sleep," Harry said and Severus waited. "Did you mean it, what you said?" he finally asked, staring intently at the ceiling.

Severus smiled even though Harry didn't see it. He kissed Harry's temple again. "I meant it. I'm in love with you." Harry turned to look at him with bright eyes. "Don't expect me to say it every day though. I still have a reputation," he sneered and Harry laughed.

"Not with me," Harry grinned and kissed Severus before he could reply. Severus rolled his eyes behind his closed lids as he returned the kiss. Suddenly Harry pulled back. "Wait. Shouldn't you be teaching? And I need to get to the hospital wing."

Severus easily held him down as he made to get up. "We are not working today. I will cancel my classes and send Elijah Sann to take over in the infirmary for the day," he said.

"Who?" Harry frowned.

"One of my seventh years. He is quite talented and promising and intelligent. He wants to become a Healer and has been trying to get an apprenticeship. He is more than capable to handle things for today," Severus explained.

"If you have confidence in him then I'm sure you're right," Harry said. "Can I shower here?"

"Certainly. I will get you clothes, contact Minerva, and get us breakfast," Severus said, letting Harry up this time.

"Thank you," Harry said, walking into the bathroom and closing the door.

Severus rose and pulled on a robe, trying it shut as he walked into the sitting room. "Cary," he said like last night and the house elf appeared before him again. "Could you please get Harry some clothes?" Cary bowed and disappeared. The house elf didn't talk often as she had learned that her master hated the way typical house elves spoke and acted. She talked when she wanted or had to and her speech was about as perfect as Severus'. Cary reappeared and handed Severus clothes for Harry. "Thank you."

"Severus, do—" Harry walked out of the bedroom and stopped speaking when he saw Cary. "Oh, hello," he smiled at the house elf.

"Mr. Potter," Cary inclined her head and Harry gazed at her curiously before looking at Severus.

"Your own house elf, I presume?" Harry said and Severus nodded.

"This is Cary. She quickly learned that I despise how house elves act and taught herself to act and speak like this. She speaks when she wants or needs to and is sometimes very outspoken," Severus told him. "Here are your clothes," he added, looking pointedly at the lone towel Harry was wearing. Harry blushed and snatched his clothes.

"Shut up, Severus. It was nice to meet you, Cary," Harry said, smiling at the house elf again before returning to the bedroom. He missed the surprised look that the house elf sent him but Severus didn't.

"Something wrong, Cary?" Severus asked and she looked at him.

"No, nothing, Severus," Cary shook her head. Severus simply looked at her. "Will—will Mr. Potter be around more?"

"I'm hoping so," Severus nodded.

"I hope he is," Cary said. "I like him and he is good for you. You've been alone far too long."

"Hello again, Cary. I apologize for just walking out," Harry said, once again exiting the bedroom.

"It is perfectly all right," Cary said. "It is nice to finally meet the young man I've heard so much about."

"What do you mean?"

"Severus has talked a lot about you over the past five years. It's nice to finally put a face to the name," Cary said and Harry looked at Severus who appeared to have small spots of pink on his cheeks.

"Cary," Severus said.

"Oh, Severus. You've been in love with the man for years and have finally told him. There is nothing to be embarrassed about," Cary said and Harry laughed.

"Very well, Cary. You may go now," Severus said.

"Nice to meet you as well, Mr. Potter," Cary said.

"Just Harry, please," Harry said and Cary inclined her head before disappearing. "I definitely like her," Harry said with a grin as Severus rolled his eyes.

"You would. Go to the kitchen and we'll have breakfast after I talk to Minerva," Severus told the younger man.

"Can I cook?" Harry asked. Severus raised an eyebrow. "Oh, come on. You know I can cook. I've cooked for you before."

Severus sighed. He remembered and was aware that the young Gryffindor was an excellent cook. He still wondered how someone so fantastic at cooking could be so abysmal at Potions. "Very well. Don't poison me."

Harry rolled his eyes. "You've survived every other time I've cooked for you," he said and walked into the kitchen with Severus watching him with a fond expression. He listened to the sounds coming from the kitchen for a few seconds before pulling out his wand and summoning his Patronus. He stared at the shimmering silver creature, remembering the day he had discovered it had changed. He had needed to send a message to Poppy to tell her he had been injured in a potions accident and was unable to get to the infirmary. He had been shocked, however, when it was a lion that burst from his wand instead of the doe he had harboured for so many years. He had stared at the large cat for a long time before sending it to Poppy, making sure to say it was him as she would not recognize the Patronus.

He had known that his Patronus had changed because he had fallen in love with Harry. Smiling at the lion that looked back at him, he said, "Minerva, I am cancelling my classes for the day and sending Mr. Sann to take over in the infirmary for the day as Harry is staying with me. You know he is capable so there is no worry. You may contact me at anytime or come down here which I'm sure you will. Also, Harry is very much alive." Once he finished the message, the lion bowed its head before taking off through the door.

"Severus?" He turned around to see Harry standing in the kitchen doorway. "Was that your Patronus?" Severus nodded. "Did it change? What is it?"

"Yes, it changed about three and a half, four years ago. It is now a lion," Severus said, watching as Harry looked somewhat shocked. "It changed when I finally acknowledged that I was in love with you."

Harry suddenly grinned. "You must've been happy to see the mascot of Gryffindor as your new Patronus."

"Absolutely thrilled," Severus drawled with a roll of his eyes and Harry laughed.

"Come on, breakfast is ready," Harry said, holding out a hand to the Potions master.

"I have smelt nothing burning so I suppose you have succeeded," Severus said, taking Harry's hand with a smile even as Harry smacked his chest.

"Shut up, you git," Harry said but the effect was ruined as he continued smiling. Severus was pretty sure he hadn't seen the man smile so much and so brightly in the time he had returned to the castle. Severus was overly pleased to see the old smile that had always squeezed his heart.

Harry was about to sit down when Severus tugged on his hand, pulled him close, and kissed him softly. Harry's smile had softened when they pulled away and was looking at Severus with shining eyes. They both sat down and Severus looked at what Harry had made. There was bacon, scrambled eggs, toast, and sausage. Severus filled his plate and eagerly began eating.

"You are an amazing cook. I think I'll keep you around just for the food," Severus said after a long yet comfortable silence.

Harry chuckled, placing a plate of sausage and a bowl of water on the floor for Lileen. "Should I feel used?"

"That is entirely up to you," Severus said, hardly taking his attention from his breakfast. "Merlin, this is better than the house elves' food."

Harry laughed again but blushed at the slightly indirect compliment. Even after all this time, he still didn't take compliments very well.

"So," Harry cleared his throat, staring at his food. Severus smirked at him in amusement though he wasn't looking to see it. "You said you wanted to continue the conversation from last night. Ask away."

Severus took a bite of bacon and chewed thoughtfully. He had dozens of questions. Where did he begin? "Do you know who they were, the people you went to?" he finally asked.

"No," Harry shook his head and looked up again. "I know they were in the rank just below the Inner Circle."

Severus nodded slowly, obviously thinking. "Yes, I remember one from that rank. He was quite excellent at Potions. Not as good as me but—"

Harry raised an eyebrow at the comment.

"In the eyes of Voldemort, you brat," Severus said and Harry chuckled quietly. "How did you know they could help?"

"I overheard these other Death Eaters talking about it and you just before they were captured and arrested. I went to find them," Harry said, grabbing another sausage and more eggs.

"Where were they?"

"Basement of the Hog's Head. Aberforth had left after being released from the hospital wing. Anyways, I was walking past when I heard noise so I went inside. I heard voices and went to the basement and there they were."

"What did they tell you to do to save me?"

"They gave me a potion and told me to put my tears in it. They said I had to put my blood directly in the bites and then I had to give you the potion. I did and it clearly worked."

"Why did they take your voice?"

Harry hesitated, slowly chewing his eggs. "They didn't want me going to the Ministry. They said I didn't need to speak to save you so it didn't matter if they permanently silenced me. They also said they wanted to make me scream, or try to since I would be silenced."

"Bastards," Severus muttered angrily. "As if there aren't other ways to communicate. Did you ever go to the Ministry?"

"Merlin, no. The Ministry was completely useless at that point. Plus, I didn't care. Yes, they were Death Eaters and should've been arrested for everything else, not just raping me, but I didn't care. I had gotten what I wanted and I didn't care what happened to them. I have no idea if they were ever caught but, again, I don't care," Harry said, shrugging slightly.

"But they had—" Severus stopped, unable to say it.

"Raped me? I know and I'm not happy about it. I ended up getting quite depressed for a while knowing I had been repeatedly raped but I got over it," Harry said.

"Got over it?" Severus repeated, incredulous.

"All right, not got over it. I more or less came to terms with it, with what I had done. As much as I hate him now, Ron's right, I _did_ agree to it. Not the rape exactly but I agreed to do what they wanted as part of the deal. I hate that I was raped and they're not pleasant memories, but they don't make me want to kill myself. When I think about it, I'm glad I did it," Harry said.

"You're kidding?"

"I don't mean that I enjoyed it. I mean that I'm glad I did it because I was able to save you. If I was given a hundred chances to do it over again, I would always do the exact same thing every time," Harry said, reaching across the table and placing his hand on Severus'.

Severus stared at him in shock. "You are an amazing person and I'm glad you came back."

"There's a chance I never would have come back if Minerva hadn't offered me this job," Harry said.

"Why not?"

"Why would I want to return to the place where all but about eight people hate me for various reasons?" Harry said. "Plus the memories were hard and I didn't want to face you."

"Me? Why ever not?"

"Severus, I had no idea how you felt about me anymore. I thought you probably hated me for leaving and not saying a word," Harry told him.

 _Well, I did say goodbye. He was just unconscious when I did_ , Harry said silently.

"I was angry and upset when I learned you were gone. I waited quite a long time for some word from you but nothing came. I was angry but I never hated you. I don't think I could ever hate you anymore," Severus said, linking his hand with Harry's and squeezing.

"I didn't know," Harry defended, smiling. "Anyways, I didn't really want to ever come back. There was a lot keeping me away."

"You've always thought of Hogwarts as your home though."

"I know and I still do in some ways, but that was when I wasn't allowed to look for my true home. I'm mostly there in Iceland," Harry said.

"Mostly?" Severus raised an eyebrow.

"Yeah, something's been missing ever since I moved there," Harry nodded, staring straight at Severus whose eyes widened fractionally. He gave a small smile and squeezed Harry's hand again.

"Do you remember what they did to silence you?" Severus asked, getting back to the more serious part of the conversation.

"Two spells and a potion," Harry said.

"Do you remember them?"

"I don't know what the potion was. I don't even know what it did. All I know is that it was yellow and had a slight taste of rosemary and vanilla. A strange combination but that's all I can tell you about the potion. They gave me the potion after the spells," Harry told him.

"And the spells?"

"One was _Silentium_. It was the first and is what caused the 'S's on my neck. The second spell was _Nunquam infractus_ and he, the one casting the spells, kissed me when he cast it. My voice was gone a couple seconds later and then he gave me the potion," Harry said. He looked at Severus and frowned slightly. The man appeared to have paled quite drastically. "What's wrong?"

"I think I know what potion they gave you," Severus said before dropping his head into his hands with a groan. "I created it years ago for Voldemort. He wanted a potion that would make any spell placed on a person unbreakable. I didn't think anyone else could've gotten their hands on that potion."

"Severus, it doesn't matter," Harry said. "I've lived like this for over five years now and I've known it couldn't be reversed. It's fine."

Severus suddenly stood up. "Stay here," he said and left the kitchen with Harry blinking after him. He looked down when Lileen meowed.

"He does that a lot," Harry told the cat with a little laugh. He looked up again when Severus returned, something in his hand and sat back down. "What was that all about?"

"Harry, I can give you your voice back," Severus said and Harry stared at him in confusion.

"But you just said about the potion—"

Severus placed a vial on the table. It was filled with a red potion and Harry eyed it warily. He knew Severus would never hurt him but the potion did not look friendly. "Yes, the potion is meant to make any spell unbreakable but only if you don't have the antidote. When I made the potion, I did not have much time to make the antidote nor the supplies. The ingredients that go into the antidote are all quite rare, all from very magical beings and plants. As such, I only managed to make a small vial of the antidote. I've never made more as I never believed it would be needed. I always tried to make antidotes to every potion Voldemort had me create for him. I only managed about a quarter of the potions. Fortunately, however, this one is part of that quarter," he explained.

"All right, so you can help with the potion. What about the spells. I have no idea what kind of combination or ritual he did. I have no idea how to reverse it," Harry said.

"I can research the spells. They're not rare or unknown spells, well, not for those who know the Dark Magic," Severus said somewhat awkwardly. Harry smiled at him.

"Look, you can if you want but you don't have to. I am fine with the way I am. I do not despair over my voice anymore. I'm fine with it," Harry told him.

Severus held out the potion to him. "Drink," he ordered.

Harry smiled at him again and took the potion. He gazed at it thoughtfully. He meant it when he told Severus that he didn't care if he never got his voice back but he couldn't deny that the idea of having it back was appealing. He met Severus' eyes and held them as he downed the potion. It was bitter but not horrible. It wasn't long before he felt a shiver run up his spine and a tingling went through his body, lingering on his neck and lips.

"So now what?" Harry asked.

"I will research the spells and figure out how to break them. While I do that," Severus had risen again and was now slowly walking towards Harry who was watching him closely, "you will be staying here except when you are working. No arguments." By the time he had finished he was standing over Harry and looking deep into his green eyes.

"Severus—"

"No arguments," Severus repeated quietly. "I recall saying last night that I found myself not wanting you to leave."

"Don't you think it's a little fast?" Harry asked.

"It is not indefinite. For now, it is just until I give you your voice back," Severus said and Harry smiled slightly.

"As long as it's not permanent. That would be too fast. I hardly know where we stand right now," Harry said, reaching up a hand and threading it through Severus' hair.

"I would think that we were together," Severus said. "We've said we love each other."

"Severus, are you sure? Like I said, I'm not the same person from back then and there's no going back," Harry said.

He heard Severus sigh before the Potions master put a hand on Harry's cheek. "I don't want to go back and I'm not the same person either."

"No, you're not," Harry said and smiled. "You've turned soft."

"I have not gone soft, brat," Severus said, smacking Harry upside the head.

Harry laughed. "No, because you would've easily said 'I love you' six years ago."

"You are such a brat, Mr. Potter," Severus growled and Harry grinned.

"Perhaps, but you love me."

Severus smiled at him. "Yes, I do," he said and kissed him lightly.

**Author's Note:**

> If you're confused, that's okay. It's a memory and will be explained later on. Please review. :]
> 
> Silentium [Latin] = Silence
> 
> Nunquam infractus [Latin] = never broken


End file.
